Talking Story with Say Leadership Coaching

Believe in your Biology!

Did you know —truly know and realize— that positive and negative is a one or the other occurrence, and not a both at the same time?

I am a very trusting reader. I will accept much of what an author says without needing proof. Foolish? I don't think so; I believe that the mana'o of a writer (mana'o is their deeply held beliefs and convictions) has enough connected experience to trump facts a good deal of the time.

Then again, it's pretty sweet to know how much our biology has its own special wisdom. As I can remember, this knowledge came to me when I read First, Break All the Rules, in which authors Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman speak of how the brain grows (the discussion beginning on page 80 if you have the book). They explain how from the day we are born, our child's mind "begins to reach out, aggressively, exuberantly." They say that during the first fifteen years of our lives our brain cells make connections called synapses, and in "the carving of these synaptic connections is where the drama unfolds." It is this drama that will determine our innate gifts and talents.

I've never been as inclined toward science, and normally I'll zip through those parts of a book that lay out the research done to add to a theory's credibility, but that time I did, fascinated by the whole discussion.

So this quote, found more recently in the pages of a magazine, filled me with a kind of comfort too: (the parentheses are mine) and the [brackets were in the quote itself.]

"Love (aloha) and appreciation (mahalo) are both positive emotions (and values!) And when you engage in either of them, or any other positive emotions, you cannot be simultaneously miserable. That's because the brain is not wired to possess both a positive and a negative at the same time ... In other words, you cannot be on two different streets at the same time ... [If you are a habitually negative person], (choose your attitude, and) engage the lesser-used pathways of [the] brain so that eventually [you] might have more of a positive perspective on life."
—From What Happy Women Know: How New Findings in Positive Psychology Can Change Women's Lives for the Better, by Dan Baker PhD and Cathy Greenberg PhD with Ina Yalof.

I remember the street metaphor in First, Break All the Rules too: They explain that during childhood our brains make a colossal amount of synaptic connections between cells, but eventually the brain will have to choose between them, strengthening some, and allowing weaker ones to wither away. They quote a Dr. Harry Chugani, professor of neurology at Wayne State University Medical School, likening this pruning system to a highway system:

"Roads with the most traffic get widened.
The ones that are rarely used fall into disrepair."

What does this tell us? We have a choice between being positive or negative, and our brain is wired to help us out! Quite cool.

Mental pruning for innate talent + highway widening for optimism and enthusiasm. Now THAT is some sweet scientific sugar for living with aloha!

Maybe I can learn to love science after all...

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Archive dipping;

• An Aloha Attitude of Love
• Aloha and your Thought’s Fingerprints
• Great Attitude Part Two: Own it

A message to managers:

We always have a choice between the positive and negative, and our workplaces can create an abundance of positive choices and a scarcity of negative ones. If most of the choices available to us are overwhelmingly positive they fill us with enthusiasm. We trust that more likely than not, a great result will follow, and we step forward with a great attitude.

No longer a Sony customer

Like many 19-year olds, my son would love to get his hands on a Sony PS3. However gratefully, my son is a human being savvy enough to realize that getting one right now is just not worth it.

Knowing his mom as he does, I am sure he also understands that as much as I still adore playing Santa Claus for my kids, he is not getting a PS3 for Christmas.

In fact, in light of what is happening, he won’t get one for his birthday when April comes around either.

The way this product release has been handled is as irresponsible as a company can get. Creating hysteria and knowingly pitting gamers against each other and holiday shoppers to play the puppet strings of supply and demand for a product is just plain wrong. If you cannot produce enough (doubtful in Sony’s case) then distribute it in a narrower market and up the price if you have to, so that you handle the purchase experience as any ethical business person would.

I will never buy anything from Sony ever again.

As for the retailers participating in this madness, I’m not feeling much aloha for you now either. I am in total disagreement with the so-called retail and marketing experts who, "...put the onus on the people involved in the unruliness, not Sony Corp. or retailers for whipping up a frenzy about the product." From the Boston Herald.

I am not condoning the consumer behavior in the rash of unfortunate incidents that have resulted, however there is no excusing Sony Corp for purposely dangling the carrot in the first place, fully cognizant of what they were doing. Apparently they have gone through this before.

Take a look at my post footer for the categories this falls into; the whole situation violates just too many of my values. I have been in business all my working life, and am one of the most understanding people around when it comes to the business side of things, but in this case, Sony and their retailers get no empathy from me whatsoever.

They will also cease to get my patronage.

Nalu it, Planning, and Success

Spent my peaceful, quiet Sunday morning in the throes of my Weekly Review, flavored with a blog-reading break or two, home-brewed café latté in hand, and I am feeling ready to take on the world in the coming week. As productivity goes, there are few things more satisfying for me than planning in the right degree. That is, planning enough to feel together and decently organized, but without going overboard into analysis paralysis and pretty-but-not-actionable organization.

Nalu it and Planning

More thoughts on “Nalu it” (go with the flow) our ho‘ohana this month: Unless you are one of those people able to be completely happy with allowing heaps of happenstance into the character of your life (not me), even when you “Nalu it” there’s planning involved.

Planning comes into play if you want to optimize your windows of opportunity.

Tony D. Clark is absolutely right when he says,

“The final ingredient, and the one that ties them all together, is planning. You won’t know where you’re going, or if you’ve gotten there, without a map.”

Tony had Your Planning as the fourth ingredient in his Key Ingredients That Will (Almost) Guarantee Your Success, along with Your Passion, Your Gifts, and Your Value. Good stuff.

Read: Are You Living for the Weekend?
And then Read: Key Ingredients That Will (Almost) Guarantee Your Success

Success from the Nest

Tony writes Success from the Nest. Those of you who have always thought about working from home or taking that big leap toward self-employment should add Tony’s blog to your subscriptions:

“This site is geared toward parents who want to work from home so that they have more time for their family. It’s a place to help you discover work that’s meaningful, that utilizes your unique talents and genius, and that is in line with your values, personality, and view of the world.”

Aloha and your Thought’s Fingerprints

Aloha and talking story are very much connected. One of the gifts we in Hawai‘i have, is that we get the opportunity to actually talk to each other about aloha often with a bit more comfort and openness.

Believe it or not, aloha holds just as much mystique for the majority of our population here in Hawai‘i as it does for the rest of the world. It has long been something we take too much for granted. Admittedly, we can fall prey to talking about who doesn’t have aloha and when it’s lacking, much more than we do about the wonderful ways it permeates our lives —much more than the way we should talk about it.

We certainly don’t think of aloha enough as the most sensible and successful way to manage people and our businesses; that is why we at Say Leadership Coaching refer to it as a “movement” we are trying to engender. Talking Story is intended to help get out the right message. All of you in the Ho‘ohana Community are a huge help.

“There is an Aloha approach to managing that brings the very best of what people have to offer to the forefront, and this sensibility for work (and for life) is what managing with Aloha is all about.” —from our February Ho‘ohana

So let’s talk story about the good within aloha, and what it does for you.

Gratitude IS Right; Right and Value-Packed

Adrian Savage of our Ho‘ohana Community has written an article for his new Slow Leadership blog today which I must call your attention to, particularly with our November Ho‘ohana focus on Mahalo; We give Thanks. His article is about his 8th principle of Slow Leadership, Right Gratitude.

An excerpt:

How much of what you are today is due solely to your own efforts?  Not your birth, not your clothes, not your food, not your education, or even your ability to speak and write and read your native language.  People taught you how to do your job.  Others helped you win promotion and made your income and standard of living possible.  Still others made the car you drive and the house you live in. Are you "self-made?" Don't be ridiculous. It's not possible.

I encourage you to read the rest of Adrian’s article at Slow Leadership.

I completely agree with Adrian, for the value of Mahalo is all about living in thankfulness, understanding that it has taken so much to make you who you are, and that “much,” that richness in your life should be acknowledged, appreciated, and celebrated. Further, it should be copied in a way, in that you give to others and help enrich their lives too:

Mahalo teaches us that’s what thanks-giving is!
You give of yourself,
using all the gifts that you have been given.

Like Adrian, the concept of being “self-made” is one I have delighted in taking apart on many occasions because it begs qualification, particularly in my own coaching with managers on the right point of view we must have with the calling of leadership. Another value that most immediately comes to mind with this is of Ha‘aha‘a, the value of humility. We become more humble, and thus more appreciative, in our own attitude about so many things when we understand that it does indeed “take a village” when it comes to our own personal growth and development — and the growth and development of our leadership ideas. Leaders rarely, if ever, pull off their grand schemes and dreams alone. In managing with aloha, when we seize responsibility for leadership, we assume responsibility for that entire village, and thus the value of ‘ohana, family and community.

It is all so connected. It would be so easy for me to continue this with paragraphs more on how all the values of Managing with Aloha can apply here. Why? Because gratitude IS right.

Mahalo is living in thankfulness. Live in your thankfulness for everyone who has conspired and collaborated to help you become the person you are.

Practice mahalo knowingly and with increased awareness.
Acknowledge everyone else who has made you who you are.
Give thanks for all who create this world as one you can make a difference in.
Appreciate everyone who enables the possibility that your own life has such incredible potential for meaning.
Say thank you to those who enthusiastically give you that opportunity to do so.

Demonstrating your gratitude is the right thing to do. It will help you feel right. It will help you get to Pono.

Our Ho‘ohana posts this month have been:
Mahalo; We give thanks. Our November Ho‘ohana.
A Mahalo 3by3: Appreciation, Gratitude, Thankfulness.
Write Your Joy. Writing thank you notes.
Be Grateful, and Be Happy. About the practice of keeping a Gratitude Journal.

Mastery in the Art of Living

I really like this quote:

The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he is always doing both.
--- James Michener

David Allen included it in his book Ready for Anything within his chapter called Best is much better than good ... How to Be Invincible.

Related post: Make Mine Personal.

Doing the right thing. Bravery at what cost?

I am mad, and I am frustrated, and I’m trying to figure out what I can do about something. I hope you can help.

With growing frequency, I am noticing that there is a cancer crippling good people in worthy organizations. It’s been a sickness of weakening and character degradation for a very long time, however it is reaching epidemic proportions and I am very concerned.

At one time managers could just make better choices, and switch companies when we started to see the signs of this cancer in our leadership, or in our human resources offices. However when something reaches epidemic proportions we start to perceive we are closed in, feeling that our alternative choices are shrinking, and we decide we’ll tough it out and try to live with it in our organizations for a much longer period of time than we should. Not healthy for you, not good for the organization. Tolerance becomes perpetuating the existence of something that is just plain wrong.

This evil, insidious cancer is called the Fear of Litigation. Because of it, managers cannot lead with love instead of with fear. However, I ask you to honestly consider: Is this fear based in fact, or is it an excuse? Could it possibly be an unfounded fear? Worse, is it a loophole for shirking your greater responsibility in doing the right thing?

The Rule of Synergy

I am so thankful that Troy Worman pointed us to this article written for the ThirdAge blog by Jory Des Jardines:

The Rule of Synergy: Accepting a Life of Ease

The Rule of Synergy states (OK, I state—no one published the thing): When your life is working; when you are on a path of purpose and meaning, your life circumstances seem to maneuver in your favor. The path becomes clear of obstacles. You meet the people you need to help you get to where you want to go, at a time when they have the ability and resources to help you.
--- Jory Des Jardines at The ThirdAge Blog

I highly recommend you read Jory’s article in its entirety, for it is rich with related insights. However it is this single definition she gives which intrigues me with its alignment to managing with aloha.

Synergy is something I talk about fairly often in my coaching, mostly in the context of creative collaboration, teamwork and finding better alternatives. The Hawaiian values I’ll draw the most parallels to are Lōkahi (harmony and unity) and Kākou (togetherness and inclusiveness).

How is it that I have never heard of this Rule of Synergy?

The Blessing of Rain

Dick Richards at Come Gather ‘Round (also known as www.ongenius.com) wrote a post today called A Ramble Through Fire about our personal inner fires; He says “a cerebral blaze” was touched off in him by my recent description of our wildfire here on The Big Island.

I added a comment there for him, and then I decided I’d post it here for all of you too, for so many of you have been exceptionally kind and concerned for us, and I sincerely want you to know that all is well … I’m turning into the best housekeeper I’ve ever been, and we are feeling very loved by our island home.

Aloha Dick,
When I read your post just now I had to share with you what today has been for us here on the Big Island. Nature is ready to move on to her new beginnings.

Since the fire, it has been hot and humid, very dry, and very windy. Final assessments, as readily evidenced by the edges of the black charred landscape, show that the fire came within 50 feet of many homes on the edge of our village, and their walls still show the streaking of the brackish water pulled from a neighboring golf course by skilled helicopter pilots to douse the advancing flames.

Dealing with bullies and conflict the aloha way

Today’s snippet from my Chautauqua:

I deeply appreciate what you have said so far, and value the perspective of talking from a very pro-active and positive set of values. However I would like to invite a bit of a turn in this conversation.

Do you have any Aloha-wisdom to offer about how team members and their managers should deal with bullying and conflicts among staff teams? What values might inspire how to manage such dysfunction among staff?
— Ann Lawless

Aloha Ann,

I’m smiling as I write this, for the “turn” you are asking for in the conversation was actually a major stimulus in the initial writing of my book. There was a story to be told.

There is a recurring storyline in Managing with Aloha about a group of watermen called the Alaka‘i Nalu and my adventures in managing them. When they first came under my wing they were as dysfunctional a team as you would find, with conflicts both within the team and in their interdepartmental relationships. They’ve now received some notoriety having been featured in the book as a significant success story, and they tell everyone, “yes, we were Rosa’s guinea pigs.” However the truth is that they provided me with one of the best proving grounds for why managing with aloha works.

Bullying and conflict calls for immediate resolution, and in Hawaii there is a process for it that is called Ho‘oponopono: Pono is the value of balance and rightness, and when you bring people together in the Ho‘oponopono process you are facilitating the journey they need to take to rightness together. Managers must take responsibility for being the facilitators of Ho‘oponopono in their organizations as soon as the need for it rears its ugly head.