Learn to Finish Conversations Well Redux
re·dux (rē-dŭks') ~ adj.
Brought back; returned. Used postpositively
Learn to Finish Conversations Well was a posting I had done for Lifehack.org about a year ago. There are two reasons I am republishing it here with fresh updates:
Reason # 1: As a reference link for SLC Communications Coaching, and as a tool you can use today.
Shortly after its first appearance I rewrote my essay, customizing it as part of a 9-week virtual communications coaching program that I developed for those newly entering management positions. There is also a variation we use for more seasoned managers who are working in a different country or community culture that is foreign to what they have been accustomed to, something which is very common today.
This program has since been adopted by several companies with tremendous results, and in particular, the 6-steps I covered in Learn to Finish Conversations Well have vastly improved the reputation that managers in the program have achieved in regard to their follow-up: When they tell someone on their staff, “Thank you; I’ll take care of it” people know exactly what they mean, and they trust that they will take care of it for an agreement has been made.
Practicing the 6-steps of Learn to Finish Conversations Well is what we work with during week 4 of the program within specific measurable exercises, however these are 6 steps that all managers can begin using today as a stand-alone exercise in their self-coaching.
I encourage you to try it, and to make it your habit.
Reason #2: As a reference link for the most popular tool I offer online for free: The Daily Five Minutes® described in Managing with Aloha (which we call D5M for short).
So here we are: Back home on Talking Story where it belongs!
Learn to Finish Conversations Well
We managers can get ourselves into far too many situations where we unwittingly set others up for disappointment because we haven’t learned to finish our conversations well. Many times we will tell one of our employees we’ll look into something, and we’ll even thank them sincerely for bringing issues to our attention, but then we end our conversation in an open-ended way which places us squarely in the Land of Fuzzy Expectations.
The Land of Fuzzy Expectations is a war zone of landmines just waiting for us to trigger their explosions. We step into it when we end a conversation saying something like, “Okay, I understand. Thank you for letting me know; I’ll look into it.”
When you say something like that, the person you’ve said it to will immediately refer to your past reputation with follow-up with them.
---If your follow-up in their past experience has been kind of dicey or fairly poor, that employee will walk away from you thinking, “Yeah right, I’ve heard that before. Why did I even bother talking to him?”
---If your reputation is pretty good, you may have dodged one of those landmines, however there are others still ahead.
Life happens.
So how can you better defuse those landmines?
A D5M Sidebar:
I encourage you to add The Daily Five Minutes® described in Managing with Aloha (D5M for short) to your management toolbox because it creates more workplace conversations. And not just any conversations, but those which involve and engage your staff so much more than they are now! D5M conversations are on your staff’s agenda, and not yours, but you have them at a time convenient (and thus more welcomed) for you both.
The answer is fairly simple and straight-forward, however most of us have to develop the logic of it into a good habit which serves us well.
You defuse those landmines in the Land of Fuzzy Expectations by finishing your conversations well. Think about the last conversation you just had with someone before reading this: Did you both walk away from each other with a clear understanding of who will do what about whatever you’ve just talked about — and when? Was there any chance that you just accepted a hand-off of the baton without even realizing you did?
When you are a manager, most employees will assume you did, because a huge workplace assumption held pretty universally is that the buck stops with the manager — for everything you know about and even what you don’t! Employees normally assume it is your job to find out, more than it is their responsibility to tell you! If they did tell you, well, that’s above and beyond the call of duty for them. (They’re in the foxholes while you’re scouting…)
A D5M Sidebar:
This is another reason you will love The Daily Five Minutes®!
Among other benefits, one thing the D5M does for you, is create conversations wherein your employees begin to tell you everything you need to know. No more mind reading and no more extra scouting. Pretty sweet.
Too often, managers use “safe” sentences so they don’t make promises they can’t keep. They’ll say things like, “thank you for letting me know,” or “that’s interesting, I wasn’t aware of that,” or “yes, I see what you mean” clueless to the possibility that they’ve given the other person the impression they now own the information and will do something about it. But what? And do they own the issue, or do they think they’ve skirted it?
Skirting issues and playing it safe is for wimps. Great managers rise above those tactics because they seek to get stuff done. However, that doesn’t mean that they own everything they’ve been told either. They’re clear. They’re clear on what they will do, and what they will not do, and why.
You can’t fix everything, and you know that you can’t, but you also cannot assume that the person you’re talking to understands that too. As a conversation ends, if you aren’t clear on what you’ll do with your new tidbit of information, you could be giving an employee the impression you will fix it (whatever “it” is), especially when they’re assuming it is in your power to do so. After all, you are the manager, and isn’t that what managers do?
Maybe so, however great managers coach and mentor: They do work with their staff, they don’t necessarily do work for them. They work with employees to bring their strengths and talents to full employment, and they try to eliminate all the “I can’t” thinking and other obstacles which stand in the way of engaging performance and optimal productivity. They get employees to be part of solutions as much as possible, coaching their staff to participate in decision-making. Great managers facilitate way more than they expedite. They understand that the quickest way now is not always the fastest way for keeps, nor is it always the best way.
No more vague.
If an employee walks away from your conversation hearing something as vague as “I understand, I’ll give that some thought” you must understand that they are waiting for you to take action. The longer it takes for that action to happen – or heaven help you, you forget about it, or hope the issue goes away on it’s own eventual resolution – the more damaging the hit to your credibility and reputation as a manager who cares and effectively gets things done. The less you get things done, the less employees will talk you, thinking to themselves, “What’s the use?”
Finish your conversations well. All of them.
How? By coming to agreements on what your next actions are, “your” meaning both of you.
Seek partnerships and reach for synergy with these 6 steps. Now, you may be thinking, “6 steps for every conversation? How will I remember this?” however when you read through them you will see how straight-forward they are, and your aim is to create a habit that will soon stick with you naturally.
1. Clearly state what you plan on doing next with the information you’ve just been given, and if you expect or wish to have that employee participate and remain involved in some way.
2. State what your next action will be, and ask for or suggest a next action for them, thereby creating collaboration for resolution between you.
3. Ask if they agree, or if they have a better idea (they often will, especially if they were the ones who initiated the conversation! They’re closer to the problem!)
4. Last, set a time when you’ll have a follow-up conversation to update each other. NOTE: Later, you will see that this is a great way to set a date for another D5M.
5. Before that date arrives, take the action you agreed to take. Give them a short and sweet update on what you have done, just a quick FYI, especially if they haven’t taken their agreed-upon action yet, and you want to trigger them to do so. This is sharing your Aloha! Set people up for success: Do not be the war criminal hiding more landmines for other people!
6. When you have your follow-up conversation, speak of another agreement on the next step in the process until the issue has been taken care of.
You’ll walk away with a new partnership, and you’ll be yet another step closer to being a great manager —and a great Aloha Workplace Coach!
Let’s make a Great Managers’ Conversation Agreement:
Our GOAL: No more vague. I will finish all my conversations with clear agreements.
Our MANTRA: Skirting issues and playing it safe is for wimps. Great managers most definitely are NOT wimps.
Additional Reading on www.ManagingWithAloha.com:
An Unbeatable Combination:
Ho'omau, Your Habits, and Your Ho'ohana
Image credit: Conversations Silhouettes found on Flickr by b_d_solis.
Rosa's brilliant articles are often chosen for inclusion in "THe Chronicle of Coaching," published weekly at www.coachingcommons.org and I must say, the editors of The Chronicle have become huge fans of Aloha Coaching! We find ourselves going down the rabbit hole whenever we click on her site. Thanks to Rosa for GIVING AWAY so much free, wonderful, helpful material for coaches, clients, and interested others.
Posted by: Ruth Ann Harnisch | March 12, 2008 at 08:27 AM
Why thank you Ruth Ann for your kind endorsement! So nice to know I am not down that rabbit hole by myself :) ...still lots of room there for whoever else would like to join us!
Posted by: Rosa Say | March 15, 2008 at 07:40 AM