On Ho‘ohiki: Keeping your promises

This is a short and sweet post folks, but it’s important.

You should consider your credibility and your reputation with keeping your word to be one of the defining hallmarks of your character.

However life happens. There will be times when you’ve fallen short of delivering on a commitment you made.

What is the best way to make up for it when this happens?

Own up to it, and let the person who had the expectation of you know that it didn’t happen (or won’t be happening when expected) if they haven’t discovered it on their own yet. Let them hear it from you and not someone else.

Apologize, and simply acknowledge that the present situation is not the best state of affairs. They don’t want to hear your excuses and justifications— even when they are valid. However if they do ask why, this is a time for the truth, and for humility. What they do want to hear from you next, is that you will still

Take care of it, and soon. Your apology doesn’t negate the fact that something still has to get done. Make a new agreement on when you’ll deliver, make sure it happens (i.e. be smart about that new agreement) and when you do deliver,

Add more value. You’ve now got to make your delivery exceptional somehow. Get your cues from the other person, and ask them if there is anything else you can do.

Comments

[simplerich]

*gack* It's like you're talking directly to me. Seriously. I'm better now. It was a horrible horrible phase that I went through and I apologize for it all the time to those who put up with me through that period.

You didn't have to tell EVERYbody.

You've got to love a blog post that the reader takes personally don't you? (If it's good, obviously not if they're upset -- I'm not upset.) It's good when readers internalize what you say. It's also an awesome responsibility to make sure you say good things so they are internalizing your best.

No pressure. :)

[Joanna Young]

Hi Rosa, thanks for this reminder.

This was one of the early lessons I learned at work, but one that has stuck with me. I had made a big error in my haste to get away on holiday, and only discovered it when I came back a fortnight later. It was the first time I'd fouled up big style in my working life, and I just wanted the floor to swallow me up. Some colleagues suggested a way of 'fixing it' without 'fessing up, but I knew I had to tell the manager who was affected and then work out a solution. He was great about it, and 100% appreciative of my honesty which allowed us to find an honest and open solution with the third parties who'd been affected. I felt so much better after telling him and working with him to set things right.

The value of honesty and integrity is one that's stayed with me as a guiding light since then, and one I've tried to instil in people that have worked with me too.

Joanna

[Rosa Say]

Aloha Rich and Joanna, mahalo for sharing your stories with us, you were both so terrific to do so!

We all have them, these stories of when we've tripped up, but not all of us are as intuitive as you both were, when it comes to learning from them and becoming the better person we are capable of becoming. These are the learnings that others will say became your wisdom.

[Kevin Eikenberry]

Rosa - This is not only great advice, but I know that you live it. Thanks for sharing these thoughts and your great example with all of us.

This should be required learning for *every*one.

Kevin :)

[tim]

Rosa:

Just read this article following a conversation I had with my daughter. She had "missed" an opportunity to follow through on a couple of tasks that we (her mom and I) had asked her to do.

When I informed her of this, she quickly apologized. But in the course of the conversation, we told her that her apology wasn't enough (accepted but there needs to be more).

I have just called her over to my laptop and we read this post together. Our conversation now centers around what needs to happen from this point forward (how can she ADD more value). It was nice to have another "voice" for her to hear (READ) what needed to happen next.

Thanks for writing this. I am printing it off as reading material for ALL four of my kids.

[Rosa Say]

Thank you Kevin, you are very kind in what you've said. Truth is, I write this to remind myself to keep up my practice too!

Tim, you made my day in sharing your story, mahalo. Parenting is such a tough thing to do well, and I am thrilled to know I may havve helped, even just a little bit!