Be Proactive; Values by Choice as Your Habit - updated.

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Comments

[Adrian Savage]

Rosa,

You are absolutely right about the vital importance of choosing your values wisely. Sadly, many people don't even choose them consciously. They either accept the ones they were familiar with when they were young, unthinkingly copy what their friends say and do, or fall victim to those who wish to manipulate them for their own ends.

Since childhood values have an enormous influence on most people, parents have a clear responsibility to help their children understand the importance of sound values. I don't mean they should force their own values onto their children -- that often produces rebellion -- but they should be open about the values they follow and why they find them helpful.

Later in life, the choice of values is something you should always do consciously and after deep thought. All sorts of groups -- churches, political parties, even golf clubs -- will attempt to enforce their values on their members, bringing sanctions to bear on those who don't comply.

Don't be bullied. External pressure always has an ulterior motive, especially if people claim it's for your own good! For me, perhaps my strongest value has always been independence, and it's served me very well.

Thanks for the timely reminder that values are chosen. I believe many folk assume they're "built in."

Adrian

[S.Balachandran]

Everybody has values. And to each person, his values are the most appropriate and without a need to change. To say that one must choose one's values very carefully, assumes that there is an absolute standard to evaluate the appropriateness of a value. This is not so. 'Forgiveness' is as much a value (to some) as 'Taking Revenge' or 'Punishment' is to some others. Both are justifiable.

[Rosa Say]

Mahalo Adrian and S. for your comments, and Stacy for your trackback - a link to Virtualosophy I encourage everyone to take!

Welcome to Talking Story S., I do believe this is the first time you have commented here, and I greatly appreciate that you have done so.

I would concur that one's values always can somehow be justified, and further that it is their right to stand by the values they have. The reason that I have focused on values in my managing with aloha philosophy is that they so undeniably will influence a person's behavior, and it is my belief that we should always seek to behave well, affording others with aloha, dignity, and respect at all times - even in times of conflict.

Unfortunately, it is also possible to justify bad behavior.

In being proactive, the point is that we have the ability to choose and can do with foresight and good intention. We certainly need not change our values just for the sake of change, however hopefully we will do so in striving to be caring and thoughtful people.

[Adrian Savage]

Hi S.

I don't think choosing your values assumes any specific standard of appropriateness, other than this: your values should be useful to you and result in something positive.

While negative responses may, sometimes, feel justifiable, they have a nasty habit of causing more trouble in the future. The values Rosa writes about in her marvelous book are ones I think everyone can use without concern, because Rosa and others have proved by experience they lead to good results. But still, nobody has to use them if they choose not to.

This conversation is about sharing useful ideas, not prescribing behavior under some kind of moralistic code. Change should always be something you choose -- never something others force on you to fit their agenda and not yours.

Adrian