What are your Source-Bred Self-Respecting Essentials?

This is our last Tuesday with Nānā i ke kumu.

The last here on MWAC that is, for if you have read what we’ve done earlier this month, you know that Nānā i ke kumu, “Looking to the Source and Finding the Truth,” is an ever-present possibility for you; seizing it as a value at any given time is your choice.

I’m going to jump around in my wrap up today. It’s a wrap only in the sense that it ends our current month’s study, for I’m going to jump to some different explorations with Nānā i ke kumu and not repeat what we’ve already covered: We’ve done that enough, and the archives are always available to you.

We’ll take 3 Jumps: Questions, Essentials, and Truth, with all three as an exploration toward answering that question in my title:

What are your Source-Bred Self-Respecting Essentials?

When you think about Nānā i ke kumu, you can think about Questions.

Questions can make us fidget uneasily. Questions are demanding; they open up this void of expectancy that imply all this work to be done with figuring out answers.

Nānā i ke kumu can ask a lot of questions too, but here’s the wonderful thing: Nānā i ke kumu is just asking you to articulate answers that you already have somewhere inside you. You don’t have to find them as much as you give voice to them.

Nānā i ke kumu questions are asked with the intention of centering you, and helping you feel more grounded, complete, whole, and self-nurtured. They are asked to make you feel more comfortable, not less so.

The questions are about connecting to your self-respect in different circumstances via essentials that are source-bred for you. For after all, what is self-respect? It is the honoring of your sense of self. Thus the questions go something like this (pick any circumstance or context you like):

• Why are you feeling this way? Which of your values is this on a collision course with?
  (‘Going to the well’ with Personal Values.)

• What kind of work can you do with this so you’ll feel better about it?
  (‘Going to the well’ with Ho‘ohana —which expands on the word ‘work.’)

• What are you doing when you feel stronger and more confident, and what are you doing when you feel terrible? Think about your specific activities, not the adjectives about how you are doing them, i.e. what, not how.
  (‘Going to the well’ with Strengths.)

• There is something missing here… what is it?
  (‘Going to the well’ with the synergy of Values, Ho‘ohana and Strengths collectively versus partially.)

• Who else do I need to be in on this with me? Why do I feel like I’m going out on a limb here all by myself?
  (‘Going to the well’ with Connections.)

You try it. What would be a Sense of Place question for you? There are lots of possibilities!

What would be other kinds of Connection questions that have to do with your different relationships, or with capacity you’ve got begging to be filled?

When you think about Nānā i ke kumu, you can think about Essentials.

Isn’t ‘Essentials’ a great word? It happens to be a sensational Nānā i ke kumu word, for your source and your truth are in fact just that —essential to your sense of well-being.

Listing Essentials is where you can get wonderfully wild and rebellious with me. You may be thinking, “Sneaky Rosa, you said you weren’t going to repeat what we’ve already covered, and those were all ‘Go to the Well’ questions in the last section.” Fine, you caught me. So here is your chance to stretch out toward your desired cliff edges. No parameters from me; what are your essentials?

Without them having to fit in my ‘Go to the Well’ parameters, or any other kind of structure, just answer the question at a gut level:

What is Essential for you and your sense of well-being?

Need a bit more help? I called ‘Essentials’ sensational… you can think sense-sational, and fill in these blanks: I feel my essentials are fulfilled when I can see __________, when I can hear __________, when I can taste __________, when I can smell __________, and when I can touch __________.

Sometimes my personal Essentials are quite productivity driven. I think about them as three things I must do every day so the day doesn’t feel completely wasted in my definition of it:
(Personally I thrive with a bit more structure... I will design it for myself when others don't impose it on me!)

1. I must respect the ‘hard landscape’ of my calendar (a GTD hold-out for me which means I have to honor any appointments I’ve made)
2. I must fulfill any ho‘ohiki due today (I must keep any promises I’ve made to someone)
3. I must get this Job-1 thing done today (job, task, project… 1 consequential thing that is Ho‘ohana connected. I don’t need a lot of lists: I just want to nail the 20 that gets me the 80.)

Another way to think about your Essentials is that they might be peculiar to you, but in the way that peculiar is good! It’s individually quirky but it works for you. In other words, what has to happen to make you feel like you are hitting the ground running and never behind? How do you need to take care of you in the way that no one else will? How do you normally operate when things are full steam ahead, and what’s going on when you just can’t get it out of first gear?

Those are your makes-you-run-well Essentials.

Leave your doubts at the curb.
Photo by xtrarant on Flickr.

When you think about Nānā i ke kumu, you can think about the Truth.

Considering how obsessed we human beings get with THE TRUTH, it’s somewhat unsettling to realize that the truth about anything can be a highly subjective thing. I know I wrote this somewhere in my book, can’t find it at the moment, but quite easy for me to remember: My dad would say something repeatedly to me and my brothers anytime we took an argument to him for arbitration:

“Well, the way I’m hearing this, there’s your side of the story, there’s his side of the story, and there’s the rest of the truth. Who’s gonna tell me about that part?”

“The rest of” were his consistent, brilliantly chosen words. He never accused us of lying about anything; however he was clearly teaching us about the lies of omission, and he was forgiving us in his certainty that we blundered unintentionally when our emotions got in the way. My dad was a very, very smart man. He was also extremely skilled in discovering the truth. Every. Single. Time.

And we wanted the truth! Even though we knew what he’d say every single time in the process, we knew the result might be different, and the result was an answer: It was illuminating, that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. My dad made it safe for us to blunder our way through the dark until we emerged to the light that was the whole truth and not just part of it. We needed his help and we welcomed it.

This might be my favorite thing about Nānā i ke kumu; this is the value that helps us identify our truth, knowing that OUR truth is not subjective at all, it is the right truth about us and for us. Our truth loves us and wants us to be healthy. Our truth allows no self-deception if there is to be any self-respect whatsoever. We may get away with lying to others at times, and with telling others those lies of omission, but ultimately, we can never lie to ourselves and get away with it.

That may be uncomfortable sometimes, but wow, it is essentially, and without question a beautiful thing.

It’s a Nānā i ke kumu thing.

And that, my Ho‘ohana Community, concludes our October study on Nānā i ke kumu. I hope to see you back on November 1st for a brand new month, and new value study: We will learn about Ho‘omau, the Hawaiian value of perseverance, persistence, and continuity.

We will Ho‘ohana together, Kākou.

~Rosa

Want to learn more? These were not written specifically with Nānā i ke kumu in mind, but I bet you will discover the connections now that we have completed this month’s study!

Suggestions from the Archives of Ho‘ohana Publishing:

1. To Rock ‘n Roll in Biz is to Fly in the Face of Convention. “I don’t have to do it that way!” ... “That is 1000% correct, you don’t.”
2. Always Find Your Doubting Thomas. I know what you might be thinking, “Easy for you to say.”
3. Ho‘ohanohano: Learn to Bask in the Compliments You Get. This is some of the best advice I ever received.

Comments

[Joanna Young]

Wonderful Rosa. I've got a piece scheduled to come out tomorrow on writing with responsibility and looking to your source. It finishes with (your words) that if you do it you'll find the courage and confidence to persevere.

And we will.

[Rosa Say]

Oooh nice Joanna, I will look forward to reading it! I like thinking about the courage connection you've mentioned.