Keith is right, and lucky me, you know it too

The Keith I refer to is Keith Ferrazzi.

This is what he wrote in his book Never Eat Alone about birthdays:

As you get older, the people around you start forgetting your big day (mostly because they think they want to forget their own). Mom might not call a day late, but your brother or sister will. “Why remind the poor guy he’s getting up there in age?” Before long,that residual disappointment turns into resentment, and the resentment turns into apathy. Or at least the appearance of apathy.

“Nah, birthdays aren’t my thing,” I hear people say all the time. You persuasively tell your family, “Don’t do anything big, but if you do something, make it small.”

Well, I don’t believe it. I’m onto your game, friend. You care, and so does everybody else.

We’ve been conditioned since childhood, despite our best efforts to be “Birthday Scrooges” in adult life, that our birthday is all about us. It is your day, and it has been since you were a kid. And even when you’re seventy years old, deep down inside, despite all your protestations, a little recognition of that seventy-year-old life feels good even if you don’t get a big red wagon anymore.

Don’t kid yourself —EVERYONE CARES ABOUT HIS OR HER BIRTHDAY.

I had a birthday where so many of you cared! The comments here, and on Joyful Jubilant Learning (mahalo Dwayne), the tweets and direct messages on Twitter (a birthday first for me—amazing) the emails and phone calls blew me away. I was talking story with someone the entire day through, not alone for a moment, though I took the day off to lounge in my sweats and stay home!

No one should ever be alone on their birthday, or think that they are. No one should ever have a birthday where too many people forget, or that one person who might mean most to them forgets.

Now of course there must have been ‘moments’ where I was indeed alone; physically I spent a good portion of the day by myself. However I never noticed those by-myself moments; there were too many others where I was dwelling in the joy of being connected to you.

I have celebrated a lot of birthdays in my life, and I have learned how to enjoy them —Keith is right; we can’t be “Birthday Scrooges” when life is so rich: there is just too much to say thank you for, and I don’t think we ever get all caught up with the saying of it.

However deep in my heart I believe you would not have forgotten, even if I hadn’t put up my own sweet-tooting, magnolia-blooming post about it. That is not who you are.

Mahalo nui loa; thank you all for sitting in my big red wagon with me.
The day, my day, was fabulous! All because of you.
~ Rosa

Photo: Flyer Flickr by Crystl.

We human being are social beings. We come into the world as the result of others’ actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from others’ activities. For this reason, it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others.
—Dalai Lama

Comments

[Martin]

Good for you!

Now it might sound crazy, but most of my friends are still whooping from the hilltops when they have a birthday. Maybe it's because most of them haven't reached 30 yet!

In fact, I've always been an odd one out for not specifically celebrating my birthday. But I'm not being a 'Birthday Scrooge', honest! Rather, I decided that EVERY DAY should be special and I didn't want to differentiate my birthday with another day. It's like waking up and thinking "Today is the first day of the rest of your life," and not taking anything for granted.

I don't try to hide my birthday, but I don't mind how many people sit in my big red wagon on that day. So long as everyone's enjoying the wagon at some point in the year, it keeps me happy. I hope that doesn't make me a 'Birthday Scrooge' anyway!

But I'm so pleased that you had a wonderful day. You're absolutely right, nobody should feel alone.

[Joanna Young]

I'm glad you had a good day. It was a delight to share some of it with you.

Joanna

[amypalko]

I'm celebrating a milestone birthday this year, and I'm planning on having a ceilidh and having all my family and friends over to celebrate with me. I'm so excited already, and it's not until November!
Glad you had a lovely day, Rosa :-)

[Rosa Say]

Hello Martin, so good to meet you! I can tell we are quite like-minded spirits. Thank you so much for coming by and commenting for me (and for the Twitter follow - will catch up there soon :) As we get to know each other you'll have to clue me in on when your birthday is so that I can whoop it up with you too - I'll bring my wagon over!

You too Amy - November when? I'll find out from you! And what is a ceilidh? I do get to celebrate twice this year; my son's birthday is two days earlier than mine and for him it was the 21 milestone, so this summer we'll be having a family party in Las Vegas (my daughter is at college there).

Joanna, thank you! It IS hard not to feel totally selfish on one's birthday, and knowing that others might have a wee bit fun with it too is such a grand thought!