Are you a high maintenance manager?

The easier it is for other people to work with you, the more you will all get done.
Pretty simple, really.

Ho‘ohanohano is a value study that begs perception checks of us. Great managers will ask themselves perception questions which help them assess if the reality they want is the reality they are actually getting by merit of their behavior.

For instance, the postings I have offered you so far this month could be looked at as essay-musings on these Ho‘ohanohano questions:

• First: Is it at all possible people think I’m a jerk? What can, and should I do about that?
  

• Second: Do people feel I am committed? Can they tell what I am committed to? Do my direct reports feel I am committed to them?

• Third: Am I approachable? Do people feel I am there for them whenever they may find they need me most?

• Fourth: Beyond being approachable, am I magnetic? Do people feel they get a high return being in a great working relationship with me?

• Fifth: Do my direct reports feel they learn and grow with me? Under my tutelage, do we use all that we know in the best possible way, thereby creating an atmosphere of positive expectancy?

• Sixth: What kind of reputation do I have with follow-up? How can I improve?

Here is another Ho‘ohanohano question the great manager must consistently ask of him or herself:

Am I easy to work with, or would my staff call me a high maintenance manager?

Now I could give you a laundry list of the ways you could make it easier for people to work with you. However if I do so, I will be robbing you of a golden opportunity in relationship-building with the people you work with (read the fourth question above again, and think about the Law of Reciprocity). This is what you need to do:

Ask them. Be completely open-minded about their answers. Say thank you. Follow-up by creating some new habits. Check back with them about a month from now, and ask them how you are doing. These are The 5 Steps of Peer-to-Peer Coaching. They become a dynamic feedback loop when you schedule the conversation consistently (different subject matter is bound to come up) and take turns starting at number 1. in mutually beneficial relationships invoking the Law of Reciprocity.

Trust me: This is not a threatening exercise and doesn't have to be deeply soul-searching. For our subject at hand, number 1. is a simple conversation you can start this way;

I have been learning about a Hawaiian value called Ho‘ohanohano. A quick definition is that it is the value of dignity and respect, and I am learning that it can help us reshape our own behavior in better ways that will then deliver more dignity and respect to other people.

That is something I want to do for you, and I think I need some help from you.

You can see things in my behavior that I myself do not see, and that's what I need your help in discovering and understanding.

What are the ways that I could make it easier for you to work with me? Is there any way that I can be a high maintenance manager sometimes?

Then stop. Resist the urge to keep talking and explaining.
Pause. Wait until they have answered the question. Read the fourth question above again, and think about using this as a time to reinforce and improve upon your demeanor of approachability.

Wait with positive expectancy. Read the fifth question above again in regards to learning, and think about using this as a time to reinforce and improve upon your demeanor as a mentor and coach who expects people to offer go-forward solutions (no whining allowed).

Silence is golden. It gives quiet thinking time to people in thought-full conversations.

Add "silence is golden" as a phrase to recall within the Language of Intention of our self-talk:

When you ask a question, allow people enough time to answer and do not be too impatient in filling the silence that may follow, especially if you have not had a heart-to-heart conversation like this with them before. Understand that they may need time to rehearse what they want to say in their own head first, for when you are the boss people will choose their words carefully (unless they don't respect you at all) and you need to give them time for that.

The beauty of this exercise ~~~ which I have had scores of my coaching clients use, thus I share my own experience with it, and theirs ~~~ is that people will start with suggestions for you that are non-threatening emotionally (for both of you, for you ARE the boss) and are relatively easy for you to fix once you are aware of them.

For example, this is one I have found comes up pretty often: "Well, I would really love it if you would tell me where you are going and how long you think you will be gone every time you step out of the office and are not coming right back."

New managers quickly take their new-found freedom for granted once their names come off posted working schedules because they are just expected to "be there when they need to be there" by their bosses. But where is there? I get amazed how much time people waste simply looking for other people at work. Then finally, they try to call their manager's cell phone, only to hear it ringing uselessly, left on their manager's desk in their empty office.

Managers must see the common sense in being low-maintenance business partners: The easier it is for other people to work with you, the more you will all get done. Pretty simple, really.

Comments are open! Talk to me, and talk to the rest of your Ho‘ohana Community here: What are the ways that you think YOUR manager is high maintenance for you? Our sharing can give us head starts with this, as we read your comments and ask ourselves, do I behave that way too?

Try the Peer-to-Peer Coaching with Ho‘ohanohano where you work. Be brave and tell us what you learn! Commit here and let Providence move to help you :)
~~~ Rosa

[Photo Credit: Cut out for this life on Flickr by hangdog.]

Comments

[GreatManagement]

I am going back a few years now but in reading this post, it has reminded me of a previous manager.

This person was high maintenance. It was a shame because he was a very experienced manager and one could learn a lot from him as I did but he had this way of 'rubbing you up the wrong way' by simply never being satisfied with what you had completed.

Never!

No matter what you did, he always found fault. Not a way to improve it - a fault. So he zapped your energy.

I did inform him of his ways but the reply I got was, 'Well I have to live up to my reputation, don't I?’

Find an improvement not a fault.

Andrew