Sunday Mālama: Ho‘olōkahi and Rethinking our Agreements

Preface ~ If this is your first visit to Managing with Aloha Coaching, you can read of our intention with Sunday Mālama here: Sunday Mālama: A Beginning. A trackback there will easily help you return here.

Since this is only day two of our month, my head is full with thoughts of what I will write, and what we all can share about Lōkahi, our value chosen for September. For today’s Sunday Mālama I thought I’d share a story I start this value’s chapter with in my book, for I think that three Hawaiian phrases within it will set a good tone for us. Those three are

• Lōkahi as the harmony of being in agreement (noun)

• Ho‘olōkahi to bring about that harmony, by intentionally causing it to happen (the ho‘o turns the noun into verb – deliberate action!)

• Mana‘o lōkahi meaning unanimous, in that shared agreement has come about, but with mana‘o, renewed and personal conviction. One’s mana‘o is their deeply held belief, and so this is an agreement with another that also gives you self-affirmation.

Here is the excerpt. If you have a copy of my book, you will find this on page 104.

Early impressions When I lived on O‘ahu we bought a 21-foot boat to use for fishing. As much as I grew up the local girl who adored going fishing, my preferences were standing thigh deep at a shoreline ‘oama run with a bamboo pole, or whipping for pāpio from the rocks with rod and reel. Never having been much of a swimmer, I had my reservations about that boat, for twenty-one feet of floating fiberglass is nowhere near substantial enough for me when bobbing up and down rolling swells in the Pacific Ocean. So to secure my buy-in and get me to feel more comfortable with it, my family said I should name the boat, giving her a name with the kaona, or deeper meaning, that would make me feel I could enjoy her in harmony with the ocean. The word harmony was one that appealed to me, for never would I hope to have a greater power than that of the sea. Never would I dare to think that I could somehow control her; I just wanted it to be okay with her that I was part of some pirate crew using this boat to steal her fish. We weren’t there to struggle with the ocean or dishonor her; we just wanted to respectfully ask her for some food and go get it without disturbing anything else in her domain. We wanted to coexist. The harmony of being in agreement I named the boat Lōkahi, learning at the time that Lōkahi meant the harmony of being in agreement. On my quest for this name I was taught that mana‘o lōkahi meant unanimous, and ho‘olōkahi meant to bring about unity, to make things peaceful and harmonious. I decided that if I would always have a demeanor of ho‘olōkahi while in our boat the ocean would sense my mana‘o, my respect, and seek to be peaceful for me. She would believe my intent to only fish for what we needed and no more. I suppose you could call it the power of belief, for from the time of her christening forward I always felt completely safe on that boat; I always felt she protected me, and she did. We were a team—me, Lōkahi, and the ocean.

Up until learning about Lōkahi, the word ‘agreement’ meant ‘compromise’ to me more than anything else. Oldest child syndrome may have played in this: Getting into an agreement with someone inevitably meant that I was giving something up; agreement was something I had to bargain for.

In comparison, when we’d gently glide across an ocean swell to our favorite fishing grounds, the idea that I could bargain with mother nature was so preposterous, I had to come to a different understanding, for the only other option would have been to give up, succumbing to her immensity, and that wasn’t an option I wanted to accept. It was so much better, so much more comforting to come to the understanding that ‘agreement’ could mean falling in step with another smoothly and seamlessly in harmony; that single thought —harmony— magically seemed to change everything.

I had once heard harmony described as the music playing when truth and virtue are dancing. It was, and still is, one of those phrases that stuck with me, and I so wish I could remember when, where, and from whom I had heard it! Truth and virtue are those things we feel confident about believing in; they clue us in to those times when we feel we can safely trust. Virtue brings concepts like joy, vitality, hope, faith, wonder, and humor to mind. What a great way to think about coming to agreements with those who matter most to you in the world, don’t you think?

Let’s use this Sunday Mālama to think about those agreements we make, the ones that others count on us to keep our word with. Will they feel they have bargained with us, or will we have given them their affirming optimism of mana‘o lōkahi?

Postscript: You know of my nineteen values with Managing with Aloha. Have you seen my Aloha List of Virtues?

Footnotes:

1. ‘Oama and pāpio are both types of fish.
2. The word kaona hints to a storied meaning behind a word or given name.
3. In the excerpt, I say, the ocean would sense my mana‘o, my respect, and seek to be peaceful for me. She would believe my intent to only fish for what we needed and no more. Why do you think respect is assumed to be connected with mana‘o?

~ ~ ~Today’s Featured posting: Anxiety writes the script by Pete Aldin of Great Circle Coaching.