Managing with Aloha Coaching

October 2007: Kākou. Communicating with the Language of We

Our value for the month of October 2007, is presented in Chapter 9 of Managing with Aloha;

Kākou All of us. We are in this together. Learn to speak the language of we. ~ Kākou means all of us together. ~ Kākou is the language of the ‘Ohana, for it is the language of “we,” and we are in this together. Together we are stronger. We are better. ~ Managers depend on other people, both peers and employees, to gain their results most effectively, and Kākou teaches us inclusiveness. When we inculcate Kākou into our language we bring life and reality to the words we speak. ~ We. All of us in the ‘Ohana. We are in this Kākou, together. We have an ‘Ohana in business, wherein the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Kākou is the value of inclusiveness, where differences are valued, and expertise is shared. No burden, no task, no goal, no mission will be too great when we are Kākou.

I was torn in choosing my focus this month for MWA Coaching. Torn between MWA3P and Kākou.

October has a certain rhythm for me. Longtime subscribers may recall an essay I once wrote on “sweet closure,” something I pursue every single October because I want the impending holidays to be joyful and not stressful.

The way I achieve it, is to work on my productivity: Come October, I streamline, de-clutter, and hence de-stress all the existing variables present in my life so that I make room for the holidays to come. I go as far as putting my business aside: Say Leadership Coaching goes on hiatus annually from mid-December to mid-January. Many of those with whom I work go on vacation at the same time, and I encourage them to focus on their families.

MWA3P comes in as the “form” for this seasonal “function.” It is the nickname for the 3 Parts within the Managing with Aloha productivity module.

On the other hand, I have been so looking forward to Kākou too! Kākou is described in MWA as “All of us” for it is the value of inclusiveness. “We are in this Kākou, together. No burden, no task, no goal, no mission will be too great when we are Kākou.”

I have always looked at Kākou and Lōkahi, which we just wrapped up in September, as going together like laulau and poi ---or bread and honey for those of you who shy from poi! In short, Kākou and Lōkahi are partners in inclusiveness and teamwork, valuing differences and creating synergy, communication and collaboration. In my mana‘o (beliefs and conviction) and in my management experience, they are a marriage made in heaven.

So what was my choice? Both of them. I decided to go for palena ‘ole (no limits) and an abundance mentality (yes, you can have abundance when you streamline too). We all juggle more than one thing in our lives, right? We can do this too, especially because it makes so much sense!

Our value of the month is Kākou: Communicating with the Language of We. Those of you who have been following along at MWA Coaching will see we ho‘omau – continue our focus, now bringing Kākou into the Lōkahi equation we have started.

MWA3P will be my focus for the four Sunday Mālama essays on MWA Coaching. Watch for them on October 7, 14, 21, and 28.

For now, Day One of each month is for BEAT 1:

A Quick Review:

Managing with Aloha: Self-Coaching in a 5-beat Rhythm ~ ~ ~ BEAT 1. We start with an essay on the value of the month. That first time you read it, take some time to write down two things: 1) Your questions, and 2) Your intention in learning more about the value. Just joining us this month? For all 5-Beats, see the full Rhythm here.

Set your goals for October to get the most out of our time together: Are you in with me for both Kākou and MWA3P, or will it be better for you to concentrate on just one of them? You know the answer that is right for you - fulfill your own needs.

If you choose Kākou, know that my intention is to truly focus on the communication skills of this value. You may want to take a moment to simply inventory the way you communicate now, and how it may vary with different groups of people. No in-depth analysis, just an inventory that will give you a before and after once the month is done.

If you choose MWA3P, do another inventory. This one should be with what you consider your basic and favorite productivity tools. Then, ask yourself: Do I have a trusted system that serves me well? What do I now like about it, and what would I want to improve upon? Because we will only have 4 Sundays to work with, we will not go through much detail with MWA3P, but you will learn of an overview that will give you a new lens through which to view your own system. It will happen like this:

October 7: The MWA3P Overview - What are the 3 Parts and how are they used?
October 14: Part One - The Individual
October 21: Part Two - The Organization
October 28: Part Three - The Philosophy in Practice

As for the rest of the month, these are the subheadings of my chapter on Kākou which I intend to focus on (it is not a full list as is in my book); do let me know if there is any section in particular you’d like to discuss as our month unfolds:

Me too! Focusing!

• Inclusiveness
• The language of we
• Let language lead to action
• All of us, together in synergy
• Value the differences
• Carry the weight, but not the burden
• Kākou teaches us to communicate well
• Bring Kākou to your ‘Ohana in Business

What a great month this will be! Mahalo for living and working aloha with me.

I invite you to share your own goals this month in the comments: There is nothing quite like Ho‘ohiki, making a promise to keep, when it comes to achieving goals by stating your intentions publicly!

Let’s Ho‘ohana,
~ Rosa

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Postscript: Today is our first birthday at Joyful Jubilant Learning! Click over for the party :)

Sunday Mālama: How does Overwhelm get created for you?

I would wager that the biggest chunks of overwhelm we get with just about everything stems from two causes:

1. We are trying to handle too much that really isn't that important: We need to make choices that will help us banish busy-work, focus on mission critical and de-clutter outliers.
   Flashback: Remember A Ma'alahi Persuasion for Calm?
2. Once that is done, and we've gone through a good purging, we need to maintain our equilibrium (and sanity) by never adding new inputs unless they replace others we will now retire.

Our MWA Coaching 5-Beat Rhythm is intended to help us with number 1. We choose our values, and then we choose strategies with how we will get the real-time, every day activities of our work lives in alignment with those values.

In today's Sunday Mālama I want to take a look at number 2 with a reprint of an article I had first written as a contributing author to Lifehack.org a little over a year ago. I had written it for those who would claim to be the boss, asking them to think about how they may unwittingly add to feelings of overwhelm in their organizations, even when they have the best of intentions in leading with new, exciting, and innovative initiatives.

This goes for Managing with Aloha too: I am very passionate about it, and I believe in it one thousand percent, but my challenge in coming into any organization (or executive's life) with MWA is my total realization that even MWA is a burden when it adds to what they are already doing. The best among us will eventually burn out: No one can sustain more than 100%. What I must accomplish in my coaching and consulting work with clients is to identify what creates work but doesn't work, replacing it with the components of MWA that I feel will create better results for them.

This is also your challenge with my MWAC self-coaching program here (with strategies like the 5-Beat Rhythm intended to help guide you) or with anything new you seek to learn and integrate. Have you made room for it?

So here is the reprint: It was originally titled, Don’t Just Add, Replace. Own the 100%. The 100% I refer to is maximum workload, and those of you who had taken my previous postings' suggestion to learn the ‘Ōpala ‘ole Rule for best personal productivity will likely find this to be a good companion read.

Lōkahi in a 5-Beat Rhythm

Remember this? “Whether you call it an update or a change, when things get slightly different we have to adjust our weekly working rhythms as we nalu it (go with the flow).”

Hopefully, Lōkahi has had an effect on you and your team this month as a value that got “slightly different.” How did you adjust your weekly working rhythms?

“… the 7-day week has its own timeless, universal rhythm, and syncopation is the way to go! During [our] Weekly Reviews [our] past week is evaluated, and the next one is proactively planned for, so [we] can make progress which is coupled with new lessons-learned.”
— Managing with Aloha Coaching in A 5-Beat Rhythm

In other words, how will you continue to make Lōkahi your habit?

If you have not yet done so, it is time to debrief your month, for Monday will be Ka lā hiki ola, the dawning of a new day. It will be October 1: New month, new value (Kākou is next), fresh start at Beat 1.

A Quick Review:

Managing with Aloha: Self-Coaching in a 5-beat Rhythm ~ ~ ~ BEAT 1. We start with an essay on the value of the month. That first time you read it, take some time to write down two things: 1) Your questions, and 2) Your intention in learning more about the value. BEAT 2. Read what is posted here at MWAC during the month specifically looking for the answers to your questions, and help with your intentions. BEAT 3. Sunday Mālama gives you different options. Our weekend departures are for reflections of self-care. BEAT 4. Capture your learning. Connect your value learning to a set of specific weekly actions that are most relevant to your own situation. BEAT 5. Manage well! Great managers create their future, and they don’t settle, or wait for things to just happen to them. Self-coach going forward by writing down the action steps of your future follow-through.

Use these final days of September for your decisions between Beats 4 and 5: What did you choose to work on?

Will it be a Weekly Rhythm for you (Beat 4) or Project Work (Beat 5) you will schedule and dedicate future blocks of time for, in proactive initiatives that will create ‘Imi ola (your best possible future)?

Here is the full listing of your Lōkahi possibilities in working with aloha within your Greatest Team. This is NOT a scramble to catch up with them all.

Zero in and Focus.
Choose for maximum impact.
Streamline. Don’t add to your work-load: Replace poor habits with better ones. (Learn the ‘Ōpala ‘ole Rule)
Choose for your Ho‘ohana, the passionate, purposeful work you thrive on doing.

September 2007 ~ Value theme: Lōkahi. Collaboration and cooperation. Harmony and unity.

1. Lōkahi and Your Greatest Team
   Has there been a change in your team? Any subtle shifts you can attribute to your intentions with Lōkahi?
2. Sunday Mālama: Sept2'07 Ho‘olōkahi and Rethinking our Agreements
   Taking weekly inventory of any new agreements you have made with others is a terrific add to Beat 4 and your Weekly Review!
3. Labor Day: Celebrate your Work and some old fashioned Values
   This is a good companion to post 15 about articulating values: It will give you a reference of more choices.
4. Hiring? Here’s a Better Classified Ad and a 5-Point Strategy
   What can you use from this one in team assignment and task force selection? This is not just a strategy for new hires!
5. Sunday Mālama: Sept9'07 Three Authors on Agreements: Stephen Covey, David Allen, and Don Miguel Ruiz
   Companion post to number 2 which can help you in your Focus and efforts to Streamline.
6. Lōkahi Coaching: Exactly what IS a Great Team Player?
   Think of this one as a companion to number 4 on hiring strategies.
7. There most certainly IS an I in Team!
   And there are two I’s in Winning! Did you catch what Herman Najoli added for us in the comments?
8. The power of questioning: Ask “Why?” Five Times
   This posting offered 5 why questions to stir some thoughts up once you have a particular work function come to mind for further exploration and innovation: Perfect for Beat 5!
9. Sunday Mālama: Sept16'07 The exceptional training called Parenting
   This was initially intended for some light-hearted fun, but each time I read it there are more and more parallels for our current teamwork.
10. Lōkahi Teams: Just how personal should they be?
    Have you answered these questions yet? When it comes to the team you work with most, just how personal do you feel it should be? If you have a team you feel works well with a pretty high degree of getting personal, how did it happen, and how do all of you keep things comfortable for everyone?
11. Lōkahi Teams: When they are Virtual and Voluntary
    She did not know it at the time, but Joanna Young gave us a great preview for next month with her thoughts on the language of collaboration. Take a look at her checklist in the comments, and I’ll bet you get an assortment of quick action steps you can think about in your own team dynamics.
12. Lōkahi Teams: When can a manager step away?
    Are you managing a team? Can you step away yet and start to quietly prepare for your next turn leading? Do you know what indicators you have to look for?
13. Sunday Mālama: Sept23'07 Newly Thinking About Loyalty
    This posting may give you pause to think about how you can get the customer on your team...
14. More on Values: They aren’t about Compliance
    This one gave ME pause in thinking about the values of our virtual team on Joyful Jubilant Learning - there can be a lot of peer pressure there because it is such a large team.
15. Lōkahi Teams: The ties that bind are your shared values
    My last post told the story of how we articulated the values of the Alaka‘i Nalu. Are your team values crystal clear, or would a series of meetings like those we held be a good idea for you too? Beat 5.

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Postscript:

If you are just now joining us, I recommend you leave Lōkahi be for now, and get a jump on next month. Start your reading here: The How-To of Managing with Aloha Coaching, and then design a note-taking template you can use in the coming month with Kākou, for Managing with Aloha Coaching in A 5-Beat Rhythm.

If you have more time over the weekend, I would highly recommend a mini productivity study at ‘Ōpala ‘ole: De-cluttering Work Processes.

Lōkahi Teams: The ties that bind are your shared values

I am on Maui this week wrapping up my three-month MWA class series, A Ho‘okipa Summer, and it seems fitting for the last week of our Lōkahi study, as I am staying right on the beach.

Huh? The beach? What’s the connection?

From here I am able to look directly out on the ocean and remember a time I had worked with an extraordinary team. Lōkahi memories flood back with every wave that licks at the shoreline.

You have met this team in my book; they are the watermen (and woman) called the Alaka‘i Nalu of Hualalai. I shared their picture here.

Our association started rocky, just like the outcropping of lava that makes the north end of my Maui beach way less desirable for swimming. There was quite a bit of dissention within the group, always causing me to wonder how they could navigate their canoes with so much ugliness surging inside their heads ... surely they would get swamped! But no: They put aside their differences when they were out on the water, respecting the ocean and the canoe more than anything else. Yet once they were back on shore their “ocean spirit” disappeared all too quickly. We had to work hard to attain Lōkahi, making it even more sweet tasting (and long lasting) once we’d taken our bites of it.

THE MANA‘O OF THE ALAKA‘I NALU ~ ~ ~ “We will LEARN from all who offer their teaching, we will COACH each other and all who wish to learn, we will LIVE these roles with honor and humility.” —the commitment of the Alaka‘i Nalu of Hualalai

People who know of the complete story of the Alaka‘i Nalu will often ask me, “Where did you start?”

The answer will not surprise you dear readers; we started with values, identifying the ones we shared so that the ones we differed on could take a back seat and cease to matter as much. I started by asking them this question:

More on Values: They aren’t about Compliance.

Pulled Peter Senge’s The Dance of Change off my bookshelf for a quick review, and a passage I had highlighted when I bought the book back in September of 1999 jumped back out at me:

“Deep changes — in how people think, what they believe, how they see the world — are difficult, if not impossible, to achieve through compliance.” Reflecting on twenty years of leading change toward more value-based work environments, retired Hanover Insurance CEO Bill O’Brien says,

“What people pressuring for management to ‘drive’ cultural change don’t understand is this: A value is only a value when it is voluntarily chosen.”

Senge goes on to ask, “If the power of top management is in fact limited, why then do people in organizations continue to cling to the belief that only the top can drive change?”

What do you think? What is the true Why in your organization?

Sunday Mālama: Newly Thinking About Loyalty

On his site The StartupGarden, my friend Tom Ehrenfeld points us to this quote by singer/songwriter (and entrepreneur) Sufjan Stevens:

I consider myself part of the New Populist Approach, in which artists no longer rely on the “star-stoking machinery” of the music industry, and instead focus on more sustainable means motivated by modesty, autonomy, community, loyalty (and other benign abstractions).
~ Sufjan Stevens, writing a track review for Free Man in Paris by Joni Mitchell

Tom had written, “[Stevens] makes a nice distinction between building a fan base (and a business) through modest, ground-up methods, rather than the top-down, high-risk, Big Business approach.” Tom refers to Stevens’ business Asthmatic Kitty as “an inkling of how many new ventures in the post-web-2.0 world can emerge” and opens my thinking to another discussion on entrepreneurship that may happen on another day (or you can join Tom for it now), but for other reasons, what struck a chord with me was the notion of loyalty as a “benign abstraction.”

Benign:

1. Of a kind and gentle disposition.
2. Showing gentleness and mildness. See synonyms for kind.
3. Tending to exert a beneficial influence. See synonyms for favorable.

Abstraction:

abstract thinking  n.

Thinking characterized by the ability to use concepts and to make and understand generalizations, such as of the properties or pattern shared by a variety of specific items or events.

Hmm. In recent months, loyalty has come to mind most often for me quite differently.

• First, (and most often within our SLC coaching business landscape) in regard to generational workplace demographics, with many of the boomer and older generations feeling that company and employer loyalty is a value near extinction in generations x and y.
• Second, in regard to how our loyalty can be a more honorable front for what we really should reckon with as laziness or frustrated resignation.

I tend to make quick work of the first generational discussion for two reasons:

a) I immediately break it down into a discussion about the company at hand - the entire generation x or y stereotype is too big a generalization to deal with, and I prefer to go hunting for more positive, specific actions.

b) I think it is a futile effort to whine, bemoan, or lament values you might feel other people do not have. It is far better to concentrate on working in alignment with those they do have, for those are the ones that actually drive their behavior (with and without you.)

As for the second one, I have realized I am guilty as charged recently, and I am trying my best to rise out of my loyalty as a “more honorable front for what I really should reckon with,” discovering that my own so-called loyalty isn’t doing me much good.

I have been purging my automatic pilot with some long-time suppliers who I feel have taken my business loyalty for granted: They are losing my accounts if they don’t work to keep me. Recently I have decided that my own laziness or frustrated resignation in dealing with them is no longer going to fund their mediocrity with customer service in my benign way!

Believe it or not, this is what a business account executive wrote to me in an email this past week. It is verbatim except for the [brackets] I inserted. I am X-ing out his company name because I believe there are far too many companies whose employees are not business partners, and thus are not great ambassadors for them, not just this one. If you are afraid this might be you, go find out and do something about it!

I had asked this account executive (I cringe using that title for him) what his goals were with my account, and he responded,

Basically, I am your liaison with [Company X] for most things.  Most customers don't like calling in to Honolulu and waiting for a representative, etc.  I have collected billing issues from a few other businesses over the last 7 months.  I just like to make it clear that I am submitting the issue(s) to a department that is actually taking care of the matter.  Setting expectations, in the beginning, helps everyone understand what our role is.  Essentially, as Business Account Executives, we are in the field to drive new business - that is our primary function.  As with anything, you can't expect to be 100% sales driven, there is relationship building that goes hand in hand with the sales process.  We help out in other ways that we can, even if it's outside the scope of our primary function, but we have to set the expectation level ... That's a service related item [the subject of our email conversation], and I am on the sales side so, again, I'm addressing what I have control or influence over.

Well, he clearly set the expectation level with me that I should not expect much from him unless I were to give him new, additional sales-quota counting business, didn’t he. So much for my loyalty with that company ... almost thirty-five years worth ... I wonder how much I have funded for them in those thirty-five years of monthly payments...

The decision I subsequently made?

1. This gentleman needs some coaching. I tried to give him some, and I then I contacted his supervisor with a free SLC Managing with Aloha coaching session worth of suggestions.
2. If my service issue is not resolved as I expect it to be, this company is history with me.

This is a very real, close-to-home example why I say we must treat, train, and coach everyone in our companies as business partners: Every employee a Business Partner? Yep.

Loyalty:

1. The state or quality of being loyal. (Definition: faithfulness, dependability.) See synonyms for fidelity.
2. A feeling or attitude of devoted attachment.
3. The condition of being closely tied to another by affection or faith.

Perhaps loyalty is nearing extinction as a popular value of our era because those who give it get little reward or return from it. Even values seek a pay off of some kind, and devotion, faith and affection is a lot to give.

I know that I will continue to be loyal. However I will no longer be lazily compliant, accept mediocrity, and look the other way in frustrated resignation.

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Postscript: If this is your first visit to Managing with Aloha Coaching, you can read of our intention with Sunday Mālama here: Sunday Mālama: A Beginning. A trackback there will easily help you return here.

Lōkahi Teams: When can a manager step away?

First a year ago, and now it is happening again. “Chicken skin!” as we say in the islands.

In Lōkahi Teams: When they are Virtual and Voluntary I had told you about the team of contributing authors on Joyful Jubilant Learning, and how we will even watch bad movies in our desire to learn together (read Zombies, by Dwayne Melancon). Even if you decide you have your hands full with the team you are on, and have no desire to join another one, watching what is happening there can truly inspire you: How can you personally make a difference to your team?

If you have not yet done so, read this posting by Karen Wallace top to bottom: Selling myself short – it’s hard to make a difference if you don’t believe you can to listen in on a team talking to each other. In the latest development there, Dave Rothacker wrote a story for Karen as his way of supporting her. I had asked you to think about Lōkahi Coaching: Exactly what IS a Great Team Player? and Dave provides us with a terrific example.

The lesson here is that while managers matter, all their efforts are for naught until the individuals within their teams pursue the collaborative unity of Lōkahi in their own ways too, deciding to build relationships with each other. As the informal “manager” at JJL I am taking great delight in the conversation happening within our team, because when things like this happen they don’t really need me to manage, I can lead again. And not just me; others on the team get inspired to lead new efforts and champion causes they feel will be good for OUR team too.

What about you?

Are you managing a team?

Can you step away yet and start to quietly prepare for your next turn leading?

Lōkahi Teams: When they are Virtual and Voluntary

As I have reflected and written about Lōkahi Teams this month, there is one particular team that has come to mind very often for me.

• It is a fairly large one, as teams go … they say the perfect team size is five to seven (which also works well for the Kākou Lesson of the Six Seats – MWA, page 119) and this one has numbered about nineteen of us, coming and going. We don’t consider our number very much, other than the more the merrier.

• Every single person on the team is a volunteer, not one paid position in the bunch, though that has not stopped their self-appointed leader from giving everyone work to do (um yes, that would be me... really should switch to our “we” language here!)

• A few of us have met each other face-to-face, but a very few when you consider our total. If we were in the same place, I confidently venture to say our meet-up would’ve happened long, long ago, but we live all over the globe and must be content (at least for now) with the fact that our meeting hasn’t happened. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter; we get some pretty cool things done in other ways.
  

• We don’t do the same work, and our reason why is not a selection issue, timing issue, or training issue. We came together, and remain together because of the values we share, particularly a strong, compelling one called collaborative learning. Well, come to think of it, that is the work we all do, because one does have to work at learning collaboratively.

I thought about this team an awful lot in my writing and posting of, Lōkahi Teams: Just how personal should they be? It was fascinating to think about how personal we get without personal meetings, and without needing them. Wanting them, yes. Imagining and wishing for them, yes. But needing them, no.

It was also fascinating to think about how the cultural differences we assume to have between our place-connected lives (whether or not those assumptions are right or wrong) make it totally okay that all things are not equal between us in our interpersonal relationships. Those who want to be personal are, and those who prefer not to be, aren’t, and it’s all okay.

Then I started wondering why

large, scattered, virtual and voluntarily chosen

can be so different from

smaller, up close and personal, conventional and hired into.

I concluded that it actually isn’t, or said another way, doesn’t have to be.

We have something that David Zinger has taught us to call High Quality Connections. He taught this to us in the vein of individual attention and presence, but it strikes me that when everyone does it the whole team gets infected ~~~ a good contagion, to be sure. As David explained:

In a high-quality connection, people feel more engaged, more open, more competent. They feel more alive. High-quality connections can have a profound impact on both individuals and entire organizations.

You might want to try joining a virtually connected team of all volunteers bound by common, universally held values. We’re loving it.

In fact, you can join our team: Get involved with us at Joyful Jubilant Learning. We tell each other stories, and take the time for the little things that can be so important. We read books and watch bad movies together. We help each other understand things, and do stuff we normally may not do, but are willing to try ...You can even help us write a song!

Here is the Here is the ‘work’ we’ve done this month, hardly feeling like any work at all: Compilation Page: Make A Difference.

How has your learning already made a difference, or how do you know it will?
What is the difference you are learning to make, and what are you doing to make it happen?

Read this snippet: From a recent discussion there at our team clubhouse:

Dave Rothacker: Lyrics and melodies from our past seem to be forever imprinted on our soul's dna. And just look how they influence our now! Great job Steve!

"I was beginning to panic on what I could add to this impressive discussion."

I am sure you are not the only one to make this statement Steve. There is so much talent within our community it is scary.

If thoughts like these creep into your head, (not talking directly to you Steve), take a breath and take comfort in the fact that we all appreciate you for who you are. I have written stuff here that, for a brief moment I thought shouldn't be here. You know, "that's not good enough to remain on this page with everyone else's work."

I just think that if we remain true to ourselves and write from the intersection of our soul, gut, heart and mind, we'll get more and grow more.

Steve Sherlock: Well said, Dave. With the deep breath, allowing the moment of reflection; the true self can arise. We can hear the inner voice, the authentic voice, and then putting it to pen or keyboard become the confident writer.

Karen Wallace: Dave - I think you've captured what so many of think about what we offer up here on JJL. It's like the sum of us all is so much greater than us individually that it is very daunting putting ourselves out there. But somehow, that also makes us dig so much deeper and really tap into our own authentic voices! I for one know I am a better person because of who you all inspire me to be. (says she, fingernails in mouth as she presses the button on her own Make a Difference contribution today...)

I dare you to tell me you aren’t tempted to get involved too!

Does it sound like I’m proud of this team, and that I was blessed enough to be part of it?

Good, because I am.

Lōkahi Teams: Just how personal should they be?

As you might imagine from what I write of, one of the niches Say Leadership Coaching serves in Hawai‘i is for what businesses here will refer to as ‘acculturation.’ We are often called upon to do a special class within new-hire orientations given to people living and working in Hawai‘i for the first time; it addresses how the island culture may seem “different” and therefore additionally challenging, with even seasoned veterans in management and leadership roles feeling they are somewhat out of their element here.

I did such a class recently, and is my habit, left my phone number and email address for anyone who might have a personal question for me in the days that followed, for I leave them with homework that can quickly force some relationship triggers.

I answered such a call yesterday, with the gentleman on the line wanting to talk through his discomfort with “how personal my employees get; they will talk about anything and everything – there are no boundaries here!”

Ah yes, welcome to Hawai‘i!

For some people this is a breath of fresh air – all managers who hate mind-reading, and rather know what they are dealing with, raise your hands.

For some people, like my caller, this is very scary and unwelcomed stuff – all managers who feel they are business professionals and not Dear Abby, raise your hands.

In the rest of the call I gave him a few suggestions on how he can set some boundaries that will be respected by everyone, and how he can do something I call coaching a business partner toward the business. I felt he also needed to open his arms a little more to greater engagement with his staff, and we talked about how effective managers always expect professional demeanor in an ‘Ohana in Business, while understanding that for everyone concerned everything is always personal. For instance, I firmly believe that strengths management is personal. Further, your values are personal; you don’t leave them at home when you go to work each morning, and then gather them up again when you return at the end of the day.

Our values are with us constantly; they are doing the driving!

At the top of this site’s home page, in the post presenting our value of the month, read the sub-heading “Why do we study values?”

However I also thought his question was a good one with our present Lōkahi discussions here at MWA Coaching, for while our “Hawaiian Style” may make this a more-often-than-usual occurrence, this question of personal-professional balance is not at all unique to the islands.

Think about this: When groups get more narrowly defined, that is, they get more intimate by means of specific team assignments, projects, or departmental groupings, the degree of “getting personal” increases exponentially the smaller the team is. It is somewhat natural for people to feel they can communicate with each other better if they know more about each other. Folks, it’s called relationship building.

Then there is the time variable: The longer teams work together the safer they will begin to feel, and they let their guard down to where it does indeed start to feel like “nothing is sacred.” We very instinctively will call upon our Lōkahi learning in regard to cooperation, compromise and collaboration so that harmony will continue to happen within the team – as we should. Just because you achieve it once does not mean you can assume it won’t break down again.

I would love to gather more thoughts on this from all of you: When it comes to the team you work with most, just how personal do you feel it should be? If you have a team you feel works well with a pretty high degree of getting personal, how did it happen, and how do all of you keep things comfortable for everyone?

I look forward to your comments.

There was a great caption to the photo above, clipped from Flickr:

"...you push from your side, I'll push from mine, then we can both eat..."

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Footnotes to the links embedded in this post:

• If you are joining us for the first time, this posting was our kick-off for our value of the month study: September 2007: Lōkahi and Your Greatest Team
• RE: Homework - From Joyful Jubilant Learning: Classroom Mission: Reinvent Homework and Reinvent Learning
• RE: Homework - From Managing with Aloha: Homework for the Workplace
• RE: Employees as Business Partners - From the archives here: The ‘Ohana in Business is a Place for Business Partners and Every employee a Business Partner? Yep.
• RE: Strengths Management, the ‘Ohana in Business, and Value Alignment: These are three of the Eight Key Concepts in the Managing with Aloha philosophy. The links offered are to the index now compiled for each individually here at MWA Coaching.

Sunday Mālama: The exceptional training called Parenting

It is no secret that I believe great management is a noble profession, one that requires a calling because it represents a lifetime of continual, open-minded learning. However I have also been fond of this reality check in the grand scheme of things: Management is a cakewalk in comparison to parenting.

A few days ago, a good friend and favorite client sent me an email which detailed a job description for parents, and I couldn’t resist sharing it with you for this weekend’s Sunday Mālama. The original author is unknown; the [brackets] are my add-ons.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A Job Description for Parents

If it had been presented this way, would any of us have done it?

POSITION:

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

[Whoever wrote this must not yet realize that at 18 it is a 1,000% increase for each subsequent college year,  and perhaps beyond, not a balloon payment.]

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

DISTRIBUTION:

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do... or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

[Alternately, consider management and leadership as not that bad after all...]

Postscript: If this is your first visit to Managing with Aloha Coaching, you can read of our intention with Sunday Mālama here: Sunday Mālama: A Beginning. A trackback there will easily help you return here.

~ ~ ~Have you kept up with our community forum at Joyful Jubilant Learning?

April Groves wrote a wonderful essay on her view as Mom; do read My Ten Gallon Hat. Then, catch up on the forum compilation page.