Sunday Mālama: Spirit Spilling

Preface ~ If this is your first visit to Managing with Aloha Coaching, you can read of our intention with Sunday Mālama here: Sunday Mālama: A Beginning. A trackback there will easily help you return here.

Back in June, Joanna Young very generously awarded Managing with Aloha with a Thinking Blogger Award. I was deeply touched and very honored by Joanna’s compliment, “Rosa Say at Managing with Aloha has started me thinking about the values of aloha and how to apply them in my life. The start of an amazing journey of discovery.”

Then yesterday Karen Wallace added Managing with Aloha Coaching to her Thinking Blogger Award list, “Rosa is one of those brilliant writers who inspires, motivates and makes you think… constantly! Rosa has recently started this new blog, with an intriguing value of the month emphasis.”

Oh my. Mahalo. These generous ladies give me much to live up to.

As explained by the award’s creator, blogger Ilker Yoldas of The Thinking Blog, winners are to nominate five more “blogs with real merits.” Could I have this mean as much to others as Joanna and Karen have done for me? In June I had deliberately put Joanna’s award aside, for starting to pick from the blogs I read proved to be excruciating; there will always be “and five more” for me when it comes to the wealth of blogs I feel I learn from, for that is the result of those that truly make me think.

Have you ever really thought about how it is you think? We all do so in different ways; some of us pragmatic, others impulsive, some of us seriously deliberate, others happily sketchy, some of us fully focused on our values, and others pointedly ignoring them hoping for more objectivity.

Coaching is all about helping others think things through, and I’ve learned that if I dare to coach people, early in our conversations I have to figure out how they think best and most comfortably. My biggest challenge is usually patience if our paces don’t match up, and then quieting my own thinking process so that I can get in sync with theirs.

MY MANA‘O (what I believe to be true) ~ ~ ~ In Hawai‘i, many kūpuna (elders) will say there is a reason our gut is at our physical center. Our heads and hearts must come lower; one must get out of the clouds and the other out of the clutches of others. Second, the elemental feeling we get from the land under our feet must rise up and be held in higher esteem, for there is divine power in the ‘āina, and it is our sense of place. Third, we must care about others, but we must care about ourselves first, and enough to connect to our own source, our aloha. So it is only natural that our gut (na‘au) is the true seat of our wisdom (na‘auao), for it is where all these things come together to center us with good balance. This makes a lot of sense to me, because I experience it so much, and very gratefully so.

I have long realized that I am an emotional thinker. I tend to start in a way I feel is logically intelligent, but I think best and most clearly when I can connect to the intuitive wisdom that emotions well up in me; it is then that I decide with deeply held conviction. I have to give in and let myself go, but I usually have to do so privately, wading through my own reckoning. I am in love with my own emotions, the good, the bad, and the ugly, for I know they exist to teach me something I am far better off knowing. There’s a lot of self-talk that happens in my head, but my head’s job is to actually stop thinking and listen to the rest of me. Intention and intuition are pretty sacred concepts in my thinking.

This is not the same as thinking with your heart, for the heart is more of a wild card that can get away with discarding reason, and that kind of abandon has never been me. My heart is something I have to force myself to listen to. The emotional thinking I’m referring to is the gut-level kind of thing the kūpuna speak of, where your heart and your head come into a kind of balance that they can’t achieve when left to their own devices. So I do value my heart for that; if I were a purely cerebral thinker, I would probably drive most people crazy. I’d drive myself crazy. I’ve had more than one boss tell me “you’re way too smart for your own good” leaving me to stew about exactly what they meant.

I thought about all of this back in June when I first read Joanna’s award for me, and suddenly it wasn’t excruciating at all; I wrote down a list of names of those bloggers I felt were my emotional thinking triggers. However there weren’t five, there were seven people whose writing got me to think in my very best way. I put my list aside, intending to revisit it later, seeing if all seven names held true, even though I knew then that they would.

I knew I was procrastinating. I don’t like choosing people, because I cannot stand the thought of how someone left off a list of anything might feel; the image that consistently pops up in my mind’s eye is one of those schoolyard picks every smart (and un-athletic) kid avoids. However Karen’s award got me emotionally thinking about this again, and I settled on two decisions: One, I am responding to this in the way I think best, and this doesn’t mean I value other bloggers any less, for the ones I choose to read know that I do and they know what they mean to me. Second, as our first Sunday Mālama approached here, I knew I had to tell these seven people and let them know, for they play such a significant part in the mālama of self-care for me, and I do hope this will give them encouragement and speak my gratitude in an added way. However I am breaking the rules, for I refuse to choose between these seven; collectively they are my spirit spillers.

Spirit Spilling

These people are the ones who truly make me think in joyous, emotionally meaningful ways with nearly every word they write; they are compellingly provocative to my own spirit. They are bloggers, and we have met because they are; six are people I have not met face to face, and yet I feel they know me better than most people who see me constantly or have known me for years. Because I so consistently pour over their words, where ever they appear for me, I feel I know them better than they may even think I do.

My spirit spillers are all coaches, whether or not they would ever decide to actively do so for others —they coach me! All seven may say they think of me as a mentor, and all seven may not imagine that I feel it’s the other way around until they read this (and shame on me for that); they are my mentors. They fill me up with abundance in emotional thinking, and they spill me out.

These seven feeds are the first ones I read every day, and I go through dry spells when they are on vacation or are taking a blogging break, genuinely missing them, yet at the same time I am grateful for having more time with the last thing they wrote. I truly don’t believe that any of them get writer’s block even if they suspect they do; what they likely do is journal their self-talk privately, and also self-edit the public stuff brilliantly well, honoring the art and craft of writing, and paying respect to their readers’ gift of attention. However their editing is not overly cautious or protective either; when they write they are fearless in their vulnerability, and they spill too; that’s why they emotionally trigger me, time after time after time. I hope and I pray they never ever stop writing.

Ho‘omāka‘ika‘i; within this Sunday Mālama, let’s go visiting.

Dave Rothacker at Rothacker Reviews (Feed)
Dave is another emotional thinker, and he jars me with his bravery with writing. It is jarring I need. Dave will spill much more than I will, and he is okay with raw, whereas I have to sleep on so many things. Dave sees connections I don’t see; he sees with his heart in an effortless way that I can’t without much more focused intention, and he gets me to feel concepts with him faster.

Tim Milburn at studentlinc (Feed)
When I want nothing but complete happiness, I read Tim. Tim is infectious joy gone wild, and he is incredibly smart! His optimistic and enthusiastic writing is a kind of leadership food for me. Tim Milburn is a man on a mission, and he will not be held back; he is focused on student leaders, however he sees potential in everyone and everything, and he inspires me to be a better person than I am.

Dwayne Melancon at Genuine Curiosity (Feed)
There could be no better pairing of a man with the name of his blog. Dwayne is the thoughtfully intelligent adult who has magically kept the genuine curiosity we only think children can have. I do not hear from Dwayne as often as others, yet when I do he has amazingly chosen the perfect time, where connecting with him makes me feel healthy again. I have a dream of sitting in an audience to hear Dwayne speak one day.

Joanna Young at Confident Writing (Feed)
Another way I am breaking the rules is giving this award right back to Joanna, for I adore what she does at Confident Writing, and I find I thrive on it. Writing is as much a necessity of life for me as is air and water, and Joanna keeps me vibrantly alive with how she gets me to think about something I fervently love to do, and must, whether or not anyone else ever reads another word of it.

Dean Boyer at Ho‘okipa (Feed)
Dean is the one person I have had the pleasure of spending time with personally, and what a blessing that was and still is! Dean may be the most spiritually driven person I have ever known, and he has helped me get more comfortable with how people will read MWA differently than I thought I was writing it! Dean’s writing is so profound and stirring that most people may be surprised to know how funny and mischievous he can be.

Rich Griffith at simplerich (Feed)
Rich is my managing with aloha manager of all managers; if I could clone him our world would be a far better place, and no one would need me! There are many people who write about management, but theoretically and not in the “it’s my reality” way that Rich does. I cheer for him in both his hits and misses, for he cares so deeply, and he spills management with the passion and integrity the profession deserves and desperately needs.

April Groves at Making Life Work for You (Feed)
April has become my Hawai‘i sunshine in cyberspace; it is uncanny how many values we share. April has a talent she suspects, but does not yet fully realize she has, and we are all in for some magnificent fireworks one day. She will be a force we want to reckon with. Right now April is an extraordinary gift to me; there is a connection between us I do not yet have the words to describe. She knows.

To all of these wonderful and uncommonly gifted people, my deepest mahalo for being my spirit spillers. Thank you for the parents you are to your children; when you write of those things I am filled with such hope. Thank you for the managers and leaders you are; you give me examples to write about in my own coaching encouragement. If you wish to, you now can give your own awards as Ms. Yoldas explains here, or you can mess with the rules too. 

Rule \ ‘rūl \ n. Wisdom based upon experience, articulated.

“Learn the rules before you break them … Those who break the rules are the true artists. However, learn, practice, and master the rules first.” ~ Steven Taylor Goldsberry

“You cannot transcend what you do not know.” ~ Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

For our Sunday Mālama

Be alone with your thoughts on how you think, and how you might want to affect your own practice of this precious ability we all have. I had previously written this on Joyful Jubilant Learning,

You can never get too lazy about thinking. Thinking is the humility muscle in your brain that lies somewhere between those left and right hemispheres that most people talk about. Far as I can tell, there’s no learning without thinking. I call it the ‘humility muscle’ because it can handle that bully we all have inside us called our ego.

1. What kind of a thinker are you? What kind of a thinker would you prefer to be?
2. What choices do you make with what you read, and further, with what you respond to, fully knowing how they will influence you?
3. What kind of company do you keep, and which conversations do you willingly choose to engage in, because they strengthen you?
4. How much do you allow your own self-talk? If you are listening to your iPod or watching a dvd and a thought comes into your head about a lyric or a scene, do you pause the gadgets and stop to think and capture, or do you allow them to drown out your own struggling voice?
5. If you were to start working with a coach like me, could you tell me how you think? Could you put into words a difference between your instinctive process, and your deliberately chosen one?
6. Can you think without self-restraint? Can you think with abandon and surrender? I recently shared thoughts on self-restraint by prolific author Walter Mosley at Joyful Jubilant Learning: This Year You Write Your Novel
7. And lastly, choose to spill your spirit. Give in to the abundance, for surrendering to the thinking of your aloha will always bring you clarity.

Comments

[Joanna Young]

Rosa, this is such a beautiful post, so thoughtful, emotional, wise, connected...

And thank you so much for the things you say about my own work. I think this is quite possibly the most beautiful compliment I've ever been paid.

As I write this, my spirits are spilling :-)

Joanna

[Reg Adkins]

Rosa, this is an elegant piece of work. You have inspired me. I have been planning on doing a series exploring metacognition for some time and you have provided me just the nudge I needed.
May Peace and Grace be with you always.

[Rosa Say]

Mahalo Joanna, —for everything. I smile with the promise of every comment you share with me!

You have taught me a new word Reg, for I didn’t know what metacognition was! I like what I found on this page when I searched for it just now, because of how it immediately connects with ‘Ike loa (the value of learning)... http://coe.sdsu.edu/eet/Articles/metacognition/start.htm It says;

“Metacognition ...
KNOWING HOW TO LEARN, and knowing which strategies work best, are valuable skills that differentiate expert learners from novice learners. Metacognition, or awareness of the process of learning, is a critical ingredient to successful learning.”

“Metacognition is an important concept in cognitive theory. It consists of two basic processes occurring simultaneously: monitoring your progress as you learn, and making changes and adapting your strategies if you perceive you are not doing so well. (Winn, W. & Snyder, D., 1998) It's about self-reflection, self-responsibility and initiative, as well as goal setting and time management.”
~ Julie Halter, Graduate Student, SDSU Department of Educational Technology

And mahalo for your kindness Reg, in letting me know how our Sunday Mālama spoke to you. Please remember to send a trackback here when you start your series!

[tim]

This is why I blog. The sense of significance and the spirit of gratitude that comes from your writing Rosa is washing all over me.

I'm going to print this post out and read it again and again. Getting on a plane in a minute to fly over and speak at a High School camp in Washington for the week. Had to let you know that this will energize me for the entire week.

Looking forward to spilling my spirit all week long!

[simplerich]

Thank you Rosa!
My managers and I are all richer for my having discovered your blog and your book.
I can't thank you enough.

[April Groves]

Mea Ho'okipa,

I don't even know where to begin...I am overwhelmed by gratitude.

You are my lighthouse. That larger than life structure that is there when I am lost or a little off track and there when I am on the right path just in case.

You are a cherished friend and make me a lucky girl.

[dave]

I love the visual of spirit spilling Rosa! My first thought; spirit spilling is like a river over running her banks, in search of new banks...but there are none. For what is in the spirit and what yearns to flow forth, cannot be restrained.

Spirit spilling is writing. And to know that something I have written has traveled from one spirit to the other, producing the desire for that person to write about it, well, that is my greatest reward. Thank you so much Rosa!

You're right on about writer's block, at least for me.

[Reg]

Rosa,
You have taught me a new concept as well. I have loaded the "trackback" and it should become active with the post. I am finishing a series on temperament and success this week and the Meta-Cognition series should publish on Friday. I'd love your thoughts on any of it if you can find the time.

[Rosa Say]

You are all teaching me to be a better person than I am with each word you write, and it continues here! Your comments again show how this which I call spirit spilling happens; when you feel something for someone, you just let it spill. Tim had reminded me in an email he sent, that too often we find ourselves consoling each other when another has passed away; we say, “if only I had let them know…” and we shouldn’t be waiting; we should just spill it. You are thanking me, but I’m the one to have basked in this grabbing of my opportunity to let you all know of the impact you make on me and my life.

Through much too much of my corporate career I did not make room for what Tom Rath has called ‘vital friends.’ I had working buddies, but looking back, I did not have the deeper, connected friendships I could have had, save for a sparse few. The gift we all share, called writing, has helped me make up for this deficit since I’ve been writing online, and my life is being enriched.

This is a self-attuned kind of learning for me too; the more I can give myself in friendship – in vital friendship – the more I can love the person I become in the process. Your acceptance, your reciprocation – your spilling, is pure joy. You are saying thank you here, and I know of your genuine sincerity in doing so, for mahalo does beg us to voice it, however there is this place manners stop and solid connection begins, and with all of you that is what has happened for me. Spirit spilling.

[Dean Boyer]

Dearest Rosa,

You are so kind and thoughtful! After a full weekend and all day meetings, this is the first chance I have had to thank you. Your spirit has filled my heart to overflowing and I am eternally indebted. "Funny and mischievous?" You haven't seen anything yet! Please pass me another 4-shot coffee! Remember?