Coaching Debrief: Do with, not for, not instead

Preface:
In my everyday work I am a workplace aloha coach, and articles with this “coaching debrief” preface in the title will be a sharing of coaching conversations I have recently had with the managers I coach, in the hope that their lessons-learned can be yours too.

Roll up your sleeves! Yes? No.

How many managers do you know, who will roll up their sleeves and jump into the fray of the work of their staff? If you know one, chances are they are proud that they can, and proud that they do. However, this is often a misplaced pride, held for the wrong reasons – simply to show they can, or because they know/think everyone else expects it.

“Rolling up your sleeves” is not necessarily a badge of honor. It certainly is not an indicator that you’ve done the right things at the right times, in fact, it is usually just the opposite. The workplace isn’t playing the sweetest sounding music when the piano player is struggling with a clarinet, or a percussionist has tangled his drumsticks in the strings of a harp. Likewise, the manager who rolls up his or her sleeves has stepped out of the orchestra conductor’s box where he or she belongs. The audience starts to get uncomfortable, and they may even begin to wonder if they should have chosen a different theater.

I am not a fan of job descriptions, for I largely think of them as boxes people close themselves up in, whereas the roles we play is work without boxes. I am also not a fan of the command and control management models of the industrial age, still the music playing in far too many organizations today. However there is some wisdom in job classifications, simply for how organizations work best operationally, that is, how they are employed to deploy, for good deployment is very necessary for great execution. Managers have their own jobs to do, and whereas a momentary turn at the piano can help get a song melodic again, nine times out of ten it’s a red flag for me if a manager has rolled up their sleeves and abandoned the rest of the orchestra and lost the audience’s attention.

Do with. Not for, not instead

There is a song I teach every manager, one that I hope to get stuck in their heads like that ditty or jingle you might hear and can’t get rid of — I don’t want them to ever get rid of it, because it helps them make the beautiful music everyone else hears. It plays over and over again in a continuous loop of underscoring cadence; “Do with, not for, not instead.”

“Do with, not for, not instead … Do with, not for, not instead … Do with, not for, not instead … Do with, not for, not instead … Do with, not for, not instead …”

Singing this song is simple: If you must jump into the work that is performed by others, do it with them and not by yourself. Coach. Train. Mentor. Encourage. Empower. Enthuse and energize.

Don’t do it for them — that’s embarrassing (for both of you)

Don’t do it instead of them — that’s demoralizing (again, for both of you)

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you must do it alone —whatever that “it” may be that you know is not on your own sheet music, vow to yourself that it will be the last time. Be the manager you are supposed to be, and schedule that opportunity you will do with, not for, and not instead. And schedule is the operative word; do it soon. Be proactive, and return to coaching, training, and mentoring. Get back your own good rhythm by encouraging, empowering, and energizing.

Yes, that song has a much more beautiful sound to it. Look at the audience; they think so too.

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Let’s consider the MWA value alignment within two of our recent discussions here:

1. ‘Ohana in Business: The “Do with, not for, not instead” song and mantra is one that every employee turned business partner understands the reasoning for, and fully supports. It is part of the company-wide “language of intention.” Further, they have connected this reasoning with a way to ensure all business partners are fully deployed in their areas of strength and best possible contribution to the business model that serves as the orchestra’s stage.

Read, How Strengths and Performance Coaching Intersect with Managing with Aloha

2. ‘Ike loa: Connect the spirit of the Daily 5 Minutes® to those times you do find you have jumped into the fray (we shared a D5M success story here). When the dust settles, ask someone you have worked side-by-side with; “Can we Take 5 now?” Those are great times for people to open up to you with new ideas, for a ground rule of the D5M is that it is not for whining [about what just happened] but for turning five minutes of free time into productive conversation. ‘Ike loa; DO you know well? Do you really know what just happened, so you can coach well later?

If you are a manager and you would like coaching in Managing with Aloha, call or email us! Visit my website for Say Leadership Coaching.